literature

I'm Yours Chapter 2

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1st April 4:04pm – Walking out to garden

 Just checked. Someone switched them so I switched them back. Whoever switched them in the first place will get a nasty shock at dinner… Muhahha

 I am starting to like this Diary thing, maybe I’ll keep it up? I can keep track of all my misdemeanours.

 I just got a text from Jaiden, he said him and Luke broke up. Come on, It’s after four I’m pretty sure everyone has realised it is April fool’s day by now. I wrote back “Yea and I had a vision of my soul mate.”

 Jaiden and Luke are my best friends. They were already going out when they had their visions about each other. The three of us are inseparable. I don’t know what I would do without them. Oh my phone buzzed!

 He said “Damn, Lana get you already?” I replied that she did but just barely.

 I don’t think I got enough sleep last night, I’m feeling a bit lightheaded. I nearly walked into a lamp. Although, that may be because I was writing and walking at the same time. Not something I would recommend it. Or maybe that tuna I ate at lunch was gone off. Don’t canned foods last ages though?

1st April 4:57pm - Bedroom

 Okay I am really not well. I just collapsed on the lawn. No one noticed. Figures. Except Jinx, she’s the only faithful one. She almost had a fit. I woke up covered in slobber with a frantic Jinx looming over me barking so loud she could have deafened the neighbours.

 Lana heard her and decided to check it out. I mustn’t have been out long as she was only making her way out onto the porch. She saw me on the ground and rushed over all big sisterly and fussed over me for over half an hour.

 I have never fainted before. It really feels like your knees turn to jelly. I got really hot really fast. The yellow daffodils and the trees down the garden began swaying before they blurred and everything went dark. I thought I saw someone for the briefest second. I think it was a guy, wearing red. I didn’t know you could dream when you faint.

 I am sitting in my room on the bed in case it happens again. It’s too warm in here, I think I’ll go down to the garden for a few minutes to cool down.
In an alternate world Violet comes from a cursed family. The women haven't been shown their soul mates for generations. At the age of seventeen Violet is shown her soul mate in a vision. But has she really escaped her family's bad luck?

Please comment and tell me what you think! :D Watch me for updates on chapters :)

P.S If you see any silly typos or errors please do not hesitate to point them out! :D
© 2013 - 2024 JenWriting
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DailyBreadCafe's avatar
I'm here from :icongrammarnazicritiques: again.

I thought the last chapter was really promising, but i've got to admit that this one let me down. 
Your writing is simple and easy to read which is something i like, but at the same time, i don't feel as though your story is going anywhere. I still don't know the age of your character. I thought she was about 12, but then she's texting her two friends (I fear that they're gay just for the sake of being liberal), and i realise maybe she's older. The voice feels really immature and young, though.

Basically, i just want you to hurry up with the plot at this point. It's the second chapter and you're losing me. It's just difficult to stay interested when there's no conflict. I would've stopped reading by now with a published book, unfortunately. 

Keep up the writing.